18/4/2010

+ Film and Arts appreciation, last paper tomorrow morning and have been going through the notes since 9 in the morning, took some time off to read on other stuffs, check on some people and it got me thinking about some issues.. This week had been.. hmm.. very dramatic?despite the finals.. too dramatic actually and too emotional for quite a few people including yours truly. I must say, i have never gone through or witness such dramas in my entire life until i landed here, and i have been to a lot of places. Almost all of us have our own issues, which we tell only certain people and i freaking hate it when people put on that mask and acts as if everything is fine when deep inside, we are but rusting metal waiting for time to consume us. I know, some might say it is better to spend your life smiling than being sad all the time.. but come on, a fake smile?? if thats what makes you happy, go on with it, but i highly doubt so, if it doesnt, may i suggest you stand up and speak up to rid these pests for good?? sounds like a better alternative to me.. I have never attached myself to a group of people this much before, due to the fact that i have always been shifting places since kindergarten and me not being the guy who never shuts up. When i started here, i thought to myself that maybe i should start letting people into my life rather than going through it alone.. then i met this group of people which i call The Peeps and told myself "why not give it a try?" and i definitely did. Everything was well and awesome in the beginning, we almost go everywhere together and it felt right and homely.. i thought i finally found where i belonged. Not long after, small issues started popping out amongst us, it was tolerable at first so nobody made a fuss about them, didnt think it would need some sorting out to do.. but time inflated the bubble and it cant hold anymore, then came intervention, which i believed to have only addressed the issues and never really changed anything.. And for a while, I lost all hope on The Peeps, i told myself they were walking timebombs and they are not diffuseable. I was in a dilemma whether or not to move on. Amidst all these, there was one person i hold dear to a lot, the one person whom i connected most with, knew what was going on. She was quite much like me and she told me that she was not going to give up on The Peeps, reason? because a group you felt belonged to is too precious to be let go off. True I thought. I was surprised. I asked how?.. it was Faith. I doubted it. But when i see her actually trying to patch things up solo mode, I was inspired, motivated, and I admired her a lot despite all the teasings.. for the first time in my life, i took faith under my wings. I took matters into my own hands. Helped everyone out with whatever i can in hopes of carving smiles on everyones faces.. However, despite these efforts, I unintentionally gave everyone a mask. Most problems did not go away, and new ones start coming and I was only made aware when things got really serious. I felt like a stranger at this point, even so, i still cling on to faith to this day, hoping that the storm passes and let there be clear blue skies once again. I missed the times we had together, I missed all those stupid things we say to each other, I missed everyone, especially you..